You’re not tired for no reason, you’re tired because something (or someone) is sucking the life out of you.

Let’s be honest: most of us don’t stop long enough to actually figure out why we’re exhausted.

We just power through.

Coffee, chaos, repeat.

When someone asks, “How are you?” we throw out, “Busy,” or “Tired,” like we’re announcing our astrological sign. Or my personal favorite: “Living the dream,” usually said through clenched teeth and caffeine breath.

But here’s the thing: being tired isn’t a badge of honor. It’s not proof you’re hustling hard. It’s a warning sign that something’s out of balance.

And before you tell yourself you just need a nap, a vacation, or a stronger cup of coffee… pause.

I see a lot of women in my practice who are chronically fatigued, and there are many reasons that can contribute in midlife, but if you don’t figure out what’s actually draining you, no amount of bubble baths, melatonin, or oat milk lattes will fix it.

Why We Stay on Autopilot

Most of us live like hamsters on wheels, running nonstop but never getting anywhere.

We’re so used to doing all the things for all the people that we forget to ask, “Wait… is this even working for me anymore?”

We keep saying yes out of guilt.

We keep showing up out of habit.

We keep tolerating things that quietly nibble away at our sanity because we’ve normalized exhaustion like it’s a personality trait.

Somewhere along the line, “I’m fine” became easier than “I’m overwhelmed.”

But pretending you’re fine doesn’t make it true, it just delays the inevitable burnout meltdown (and probably some ugly crying in your car).

The Invisible Drains in Your Life

Think of your energy like your phone battery. Some apps (people) drain it faster than others.

But instead of closing the tabs, you just keep charging overnight and wondering why you’re at 3% by noon.

Here are some of the usual suspects:

Overcommitment: Saying yes when your soul is screaming no.
Emotional Labor: Managing everyone else’s moods like it’s your unpaid side job.
Unclear Boundaries: Letting work, relationships, and social media crawl into every corner of your day.
Clutter (mental or physical): Because nothing says “I’m thriving” like a sink full of dishes and 37 browser tabs open.
Unresolved Resentment: The gift that keeps on giving… stress.
Neglecting your own needs: Telling yourself you’ll rest “when things slow down.” (Spoiler: they won’t.)

It’s not just what you do that drains you, it’s why you keep doing it.

The Hidden Traps That Keep You Stuck

If identifying your drains were easy, you’d have done it already.

The problem? Most of them wear disguises. Let’s unmask a few:

The “Good Mom” Trap

You think saying yes to everything your kids (or adult kids) need makes you a better mom.

But when you’re constantly rescuing, fixing, or doing things they could handle, you’re really just teaching everyone to depend on your burnout. (Congrats, you’re the Wi-Fi of emotional labor, always on and always available.)

The “Team Player” Trap

You volunteer for every project at work because you’re capable and terrified of looking like you’re not.

Meanwhile, your own goals are sitting in a dusty corner, humming “Remember me?”

The “I Can Handle It” Trap

You wear independence like armor. You don’t ask for help because it feels weak.

But strong women know the truth you can’t pour from an empty cup, and at this point, your cup is bone dry.

What You Can (and Can’t) Control

Once you spot what’s draining you, it’s time to sort it out.

Not every drain can or should be eliminated. (Yes, that includes your kids.)

What’s one small change that would make a big impact? You don’t need to burn it all down overnight, just plug one leak. Start by saying no to one unnecessary “favor” this week.

Even one boundary, one delegation, or one “nope, not today” can free up hours of mental space.

How to Spot the Real Drain

If you’ve been running on fumes for a while, it takes a minute to figure out where the leaks are. Try this:

Track your energy for a week. Notice when you feel alive vs. when you want to throw your phone into the ocean. Patterns will appear.

Pay attention to your body. Tight jaw? Shoulders in your ears? That’s your body screaming, “This isn’t working!”

Check your emotions. If something consistently makes you feel dread, resentment, or rage, that’s a red flag, not a “just push through it” moment.

Listen to the voice you keep ignoring. You know the one, the whisper that says, “You can’t keep doing this.” Stop silencing it with busyness.

Reclaiming Your Energy: The Practical Fixes

Now that you know where the leaks are, let’s start patching, without guilt.

Declutter Your Commitments. Not every opportunity deserves a spot in your calendar. Make a “Stop Doing” list, because crossing things off without replacing them is the ultimate power move.

Delegate Like You Mean It. You don’t get a gold star for doing everything yourself, at home or work. Delegation isn’t weakness, it’s strategy.

Say No and Don’t Explain. “No” is a full sentence. Try it out. (It might feel weird at first, but also strangely amazing.)

Audit Your Environment. Too much noise, clutter, or doom-scrolling can drain you faster than a toddler on a sugar high. Simplify your space, simplify your brain.

Schedule Recharge Time. Don’t wait until you’re running on fumes. Schedule rest like a meeting, and don’t cancel on yourself.

The Hard Truth: Some Drains… Are People

Yep, we’re going there.

You know that person you dread seeing, but you keep saying yes to out of obligation? That’s an energy vampire, my friend.

You can’t control their behavior, but you can decide how much access they get to you.

If someone constantly takes without giving, manipulates your empathy, or leaves you feeling emotionally hungover, distance is your new best friend.

Protecting your peace doesn’t make you cold. It makes you smart.

The Freedom of Awareness

Here’s the best part: once you name your drains, you take your power back.

You’re no longer wondering why you’re exhausted, you know where the leaks are. And that awareness changes everything.

Because balance isn’t about doing less.

It’s about doing what actually matters.

And you can’t do that until you assess what’s really stealing your energy.

Action Steps: ASSESS in Real Life

List your top 3 energy drainers. (People, situations, habits, whatever’s sucking the life out of you.)

Decide what’s within your control. Can you delegate it, limit it, or ditch it altogether? Write down one small action.

Commit to eliminating one drain this week. Progress, not perfection.

Check in nightly. What gave me energy today? What took it away?” You’ll be amazed at how fast clarity returns once you start asking the right questions.

Final Word

You’re not broken. You’re not lazy. You’re not unmotivated.

You’re just drained, and that’s fixable.

When you assess what’s truly stealing your energy, you stop trying to fix yourself and start fixing your environment.

That’s the real shift from survival mode to intentional living.

Ready to plug those energy leaks for good?

Download the FREE BALANCE Starter Guide, it walks you step-by-step through identifying, prioritizing, and protecting your energy so you can finally feel calm, clear, and in control again.

ASSESS: Because Coffee Can’t Fix What’s Actually Draining You